Sabado, Mayo 5, 2012

Singing in the Upswing

I think I may have gone on this rant before, but I really don't like receiving advice. it's not pride, you know. Not a misconception that I don't need advice, because I do. Everyone does. But the thing is, I'd rather go to subject-matter experts for opinions and advice, rather than the first dude who asks about my comings and goings. Basically, if I needed advice on how to make a chair, I'd ask a carpenter. I won't heed relationship advice from people who've had nothing but crappy relationships. I won't heed time management advice from people who've never had a real need to manage time. I won't heed creative suggestions from people whose creativity is limited to "interesting" haircuts and "unorthodox" fashion decisions. Unless I directly ask you for your opinion, please... don't burden yourself with trying to come up with something that would make you sound knowledgeable. I don't want you getting hurt.

Why am I starting off this post with a rant? Because I'm in a fucking good mood, and as I've learned during all these months of sobriety, I apparently like being a whiny bitch when it comes to stupid people. Don't worry, I'm sure karma or providence or whatever's going to strike me down at some point, and I'd actually welcome it. 

Finally, things seem to be slowing down almost to the point that I can actual start breathing freely. Almost. Movie's done, sorta, and I will be talking about that later. There's a new thing for me to devote my attention to; a really huge, important thing. I finally got to watch The Avengers, and seeing my childhood heroes get that much attention just perks me up. Basically, I sense a wave of change in the air, which isn't necessarily good, but it may be what I need.

Best Feet Forward.
I remember back in the day when I had an idiot friend who put so much stock in Murphy's Law that he basically turned it into an excuse whenever he fucks up because of his own innate stupidity. Well, I got a big dose of Murphy anal raping me a couple of weeks after the movie supposedly wrapped. While transferring, for some reason, one of the tapes got erased, taking with it 20 to 30 minutes of exposition. It's the ultimate nightmare scenario for anyone practicing in the industry.

As I have alluded to in my last post, I was not happy with the results of the movie. I did it for the wrong reasons and I did it with the wrong attitude. When the tape got messed up, I was initially pissed, but more than anything I saw an opportunity to at least do something right with it. So, with Jo F'n Regis at my side, we went out and did what we do best; a last minute save with nothing but our innate bullshit wielding skills. I remember how a few months ago, when he had put up a seminar that ended in somewhat of a complication, he had me prepare something on the fly. This is getting to be a really bad habit. 
The movie is still a shitty mess, but the difference is, now it's my shitty mess. Unlike the original shoot, I actually had fun. We managed to shoot enough material to save the movie. (It didn't save it from the utter depths of low quality, but hell, it's done and it will be shown. It's all that matters.)

Those two days that Jo and I went truly indy got me raring for the possibility of future projects. I don't know if there would be, but I wouldn't mind if there was.   

The Sordid State of The Think Tank.

Things at the Think Tank have become… personally troublesome. While I don't think the people currently handling the group are doing anything technically wrong (office drama notwithstanding), the Think Tank has become so that everything I loved about working there, nearly every reason I had that made me happy enough to stay for an entire year, seem to have vanished. Again, the people who currently have taken the reins are not doing anything technically wrong. I should know, given my experience with people who had no business leading anyone but yet seem to find themselves in such positions. I'm just starting to think this whole thing isn't for me anymore. I like having a job of course, but what used to be my ideal place of employment is slowly being altered into what i see as just one huge pissing contest. 

I miss the Boss.

Part of the Gang.
Amidst all of the craziness of the movie and the office, I received a phone call that pretty much took away the mental burdens of each of my aforementioned occupations. Last year, I and a few other stand up comics auditioned for this TV network. I think I wrote about it. We got in, and each were assigned to write for a different show. I got assigned to do this show that pretty much heralded the type of comedy I didn't like to do. I refused. Instead, I performed on that show once, and never expected to work with the network in any capacity.

A year later, I got a phone call from the director of hands down, the best comedy show in local TV for more than a decade and he told me he was in need of a writer. Apparently, I was that writer. A year ago, I had no qualms of letting the opportunity go for that other show. This time around, however, well, even someone like me would have a hard time saying no to the opportunity to be a part of the show that has kept me laughing since I was in high school. I don't care if they called out of the blue and shat on my beloved schedule.I traveled north with both a smile on my face and a nagging thought at the back of my head that kept telling me hat someone was pranking me. Once I got to the studio, I found out that it was legit.

As of this writing, I have only been to the creative meetings for two weeks, withe each meeting more and more satisfying. Sitting in that room, not just with fellow comedians, but two of the guys that made "Alien!" sound like the funniest thing ever, was nothing but a sheer honor. And people who know me know that I'm not the type who gets starstruck. I've gotten accustomed to be around celebrities and other "named" people ever since I graduated. But of course, this was different. And knowing that I was able to make these people laugh made me wet myself.

I don't say this often, but this gig is a dream come true. This is not just another paycheck for me. Much like Hong Kong, I'm going to cherish every second of this. Who cares if I'm doing softcore movies with nearly non-existent budgets for pervs who seem to not have discovered internet smut when I also happen to be providing material for the country's unofficial Friday night habit?

Last Remaining Good Nights.
Another good thing about the past couple of weeks was that there were a couple of nights wherein I actually spent some time with my boys. From The Critic (who's apparently in love) and I taking a little trip of the mind before the Big Man showed up for an actual trip further down south, to a huge drinking session that I put together out of sheer boredom, it was nice to be reminded of how good things could be, and how good things actually were.

I understand things are never going to be the way that they were. Back before Ol' Football head left the country, things have really taken a turn towards the less ideal. In my opinion, his departure was always been the turning point. His absence, the way I see it, contributed to The Critic basically giving up on everything once his wife left him, The Big Man getting swayed into the worldly, and I guess my own decision to loosen my grip back in 2009.

See, I'm an angry person. I wasn't always an angry person, but once I became an angry person I never stopped being an angry person. Back in the day, hanging out with my boys helped channel that anger. But, like with everything else, things change. Not everyone does things simply for the joy of doing them anymore. A lot of people in my life, not just with my friends down south, have prioritized fulfilling  their self image, trying to live up to a definition that places them in a favorable light, instead of just living. When I was younger, shit like that didn't matter. These days, it's all everyone talks about.

These nights are few, and with the way things are going, two of the last. With the new beginnings I seem to be heading into, and these specific aspects of my life seemingly ending, I think it's time everything undergoes some well needed redefinition. Myself included, of course.  
Right now, I'm in a good relationship, I'm living out a few dreams, and while things are far from perfect, I do certainly notice the upswing. For whatever's missing, I'm sure I'll find it, whether it's my boys realizing certain things, or be it with new people, it matters little. I'm not angry anymore, for one. At least, not as angry as I used to be, when I was with people who gave me legitimate reasons to be angry. I think that's a start.

"I've got a lotta things to do tonight
I'm so sick of making lists 
Of things I'll never finish
I've lived here for the last 12 years 
Since early 1995 all my shit has been in boxes 
But if I had a little more time to kill
I'd settle every little stupid thing
Yeah you'd think that I would

But I'm too tired to go to sleep tonight
And I'm too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and 
Overcome each moment 
In my own way

I wonder if I'll ever lose my mind
I tried hard for awhile
But then I kind of gave up
Winter is killer when the sun goes down
I'm really not as stubborn as I seem
Said the knuckle to the concrete

And I'm too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and 
Overcome each moment 
In my own way

I'm not saying that I'm giving up
I'm just trying not to think 
As much as I used to
Cause never is a lonely little messed up word
Maybe I'll get it right some day
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try
I feel helpless for the most part
But I'm learning to open my eyes
And the sad truth of the matter is 
I'll never get over it
But I'm gonna try
To get better and overcome each moment
In my own way

I sure want to get back on track
And I'll do whatever it takes
Even if it kills me " - Motion City Soundtrack, "Even If It Kills Me"

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