You know what I hate? People who say that they're at a crossroads. It's a silly state to be in, and it's a stupid announcement. What would be more accurate would be something like "I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do next". With that being said, I don't what the fuck I'm going to do next.
This year has been a good one. I'm in a relatively healthy relationship, I finally managed to finish a feature length movie, and now certain dreams in comedy have come true. On the flip side, I'm still broke (long, complicated and rather asinine story) and I've been thinking that it's time to rejoin the real world of sorts.
I'm a closet self loather, hence, I am at a crossroads.
After one of those creative meetings for that TV network thingy, the rain poured down and I was sorta stuck up North, in Ortigas. It was actually nice, as I haven't been to Ortigas in a long time. Considering I've spent a great deal of time up there from 2007 to 2011, it was nice to take a walk on those familiar streets. It was then that I began this secret personal project of mine that I'm looking forward to finish before the year ends.
It was also up there that I became afflicted with a fever that rendered me unable to do my job at the Think Tank. That led to a week long period of isolation where I've had nothing to do but to write and to think. The most prevalent thought that nagged me concerned my continued presence and employment at the Think Tank. I've been in the company for a year, and I'm a point where, being used to doing three or four things at a time, I'm seriously considering taking some real time off (not the fever imposed time off).
I need to move on, to instigate change, to do some shit like that. I'm not exactly in the same place I was when I first entered the company.
A Direct Line to the Universe.
After that week, I had myself a day that reintroduced me to something that I had been needing for a long time: the ability to listen to the messages of the Universe. Not many people know this, but I've always that guy who waits for signs and shit like that. hell, from 1998 to 2010 my major decision were made by a toss of my lucky coin. But, somewhere down the line, I lost that type of faith. (I even gave the coin away.) But, one weekend with the boys and here I am, once again believing in the great design.
It started when I, stuck in a world of creative blockage, decided to go out and watch the Avengers again with whoever replied first. It turned out to be The Big Man. So, off we went to the nearest mall to geek out. However, the universe had other plans. We were given a flat tire, which required the assistance of the always eager to help Tapa King. He arrived, he failed to solve the problem, and essentially we had to go back to the Big Man's house. At the precise moment of our arrival came the Critic, fresh from a bike ride and looking for something to do. While yes, it's not really hard to get these three together for a drink, but one has to consider how if a single variable from that afternoon changed, even with something as elementary as a minute's delay, the four of us, the remnants of a once great time, would not be together on that day. The Universe was telling us something, and only a foolish man ignores the universe.
I'd rather not get into the details of what turned out to be a fairly epic night, but the highlights include a one on one conversation with the Critic and his recent lovelorn drama and our respective death wishes, me and the Tapa King finally seeing eye to eye on something, a trip to Tagaytay (which led to another week of colds that was totally worth it) and the realization that yes, it is time for me to start listening to fate again. Oh, and there was drinking. Lots of it. Not enough for m to break my "sobriety-at-30" pledge, but still. It was a day, and a night, and even a morning after, worthy to be included in the annals of legendary weekend nights. It's nowhere near the top of the list, but still, I rarely crack the list these days.
Never did I expect that I would credit an amazing Saturday night to both the Critic and the Tapa King. First time for everything I guess.
Me, My Thoughts and I.
Like I may have mentioned, riding top speed on the bed of the Big Man's pick up truck on the way to Tagaytay on a rainy night as the Tapa King and I discuss things of a specifically personal nature. So, I was stuck at home for another week. It was during this week that I truly decided to dwell upon my thoughts in the middle of attempting to write my second movie.
During this rather reflective week, various thoughts crossed my rather weary mind. Here are some of the more prevalent thoughts:
I really love and miss iiving alone.
I need a job with health insurance. Seriously.
Facebook isn't so bad.
There are way too many movies I haven't seen.
The latter Transformers movies really are as bad as I remember them.
The phrase "blowing your nose" is a little odd.
I have no idea what the fuck going to do next. (It bears repeating.)
It's good to only have first world problems for a change.
As you can see, it has been a really productive week for me.
A Sign of Things To Come With The Boys.
For the second straight weekend, me and the boys have decided to spend the night together. There was no push from serendipity this time, as we were all somewhat determined to go and get a drink on during an uneventful Sunday night to end a somewhat eventful week. The Critic finally quit his job. I am, at the time, have made up my mind on my own employment. The BIg Man got demoted (though I haven't had the opportunity to find out why). The Tapa King also was on the job hunt.
Because of all of that, all four of us were broke. I grew up reading Captain America and Batman comics. If those two characters taught me anything, it's that there is always a way. With only 100 pesos to buy enough booze to satisfy four men whose appetite for alcohol surpasses Olympian standards (at some point or another), it seemed like an impossible task. But… we did it. With a little resourcefulness, the right attitude, and knowing the right people to summon, me and my boys spent the night laughing. It was something we all needed it seemed, and I think it's we'll be needing reasons to laugh for the upcoming months.
Still, I think this was what's missing. I think this was the thing I was bitching about the least time I wrote here. Back then, even during my darkest days, I always claimed there was something I could always count on: my weekends. No matter how good or bad the week might be, fate always steps in and ensures I end it right. Hopefully, regardless of what I decide to do, what we have started here (or restarted) continues, in spite of seeming obstacles.