Martes, Hulyo 5, 2011

Endless Chatter

One thing I realized is that in all of my 29 years walking God's not quite as green Earth, is that this is the first time I've been distracted by a freaking puppy. It's just there… staring at me while I write. I downright creepy I say.

Nothing much this week in the earth shattering events department, but all the chatter I've engaged in during the past 7 days or so have definitely shined a specifically different light on specifically mundane aspects of my own life. I guess I've just recently reacquainted myself with the importance of major face time, especially after my extended period of locking myself in the Fortress a few weeks back.

Coaching Sessions. Apparently I didn't get fired, but I get benched for a couple of days. It was a little annoying, considering how much money I could've made during those days, but the feeling was passing. I've been always been more of a quality time is more important than money guy, and it makes little sense to change that now.

In order for me to be allowed back on the workforce once again, I had to go through a coaching session, which was more than I expected it to be. I'm no stranger to such corporate procedures, and during my time I've developed a healthy routine for such occasions. I step in, exchange pleasantries, nod at key points while planning my night in my mind, step out when it's done, and contemplate quitting as I drank that same night.

Like I said, this one was different, for several reasons. One, I really do like what I do at the Think Tank. The entire set up has been ideal for my lifestyle. Two, and I actually timed this, the majority of the coaching turned out to be a very interesting life-coaching session. About 15 minutes of the hour I spent there were devoted to actual work policy coaching, and the rest were a general discussion of the psychological and the metaphysical. The people I spoke to agreed that I should embrace a form of routine in my day to day living.


It was all helpful though, and I was glad it all turned out that way. They gave me really good points to ponder, and though I might not give all of those general improvement tips a try, it's comforting to know that there are specific people nearby that are able to supply them. I used to be assessed as someone with a huge problem with authority. I thought that I just had an issue with people "handling" me. After that little talk I realized that I just was never "handled" the proper way, personally and professionally.

Loud voices in an empty bar. After two or three weeks of no-shows, I donned the green coat and made my way to open mic night, hoping to finally get my rhythm back, the rhythm I lost when my "condition" turned for the worse. And for my legendary come back, what would face me? An empty fucking bar. Baby steps I guess. It was a good night though, and I figured out how to get a decent buzz before I hit the stage of that overly priced old folk's home of a bar.

Small talk in another empty bar. After that painful but still amusing experience, I made my way to a restaurant in Makati where a high school classmate of mine was running the joint. We were never really close back then, considering that the only people from high school I spoke more than a few words with are still in my life in one capacity or the other, I still wanted to hear the guy's story, and it was an interesting one.

The guy had plans for his life. Went to a good school, got a degree in one of those boring ass courses that almost ensures a successful life, and he also had a career mapped out for himself. What he didn't expect though was that he would be so enamored with one of the jobs he initially saw as a stepping stone and he just never left. Now, he's fucking managing the place, and has no complaints nor apparent regrets.

The one thing I took away from that was hope. See, I've been a wanderer for most of my adult life, moving from one place, job, and relationship after the next with little or no hesitation. As suggested by my "life coaches" earlier that day, I had to find out what was missing in my life and work towards it. I'm glad my old classmate found that missing piece. I'm also glad he gave me a bucket of beer, on the house. But I'm much gladder that he was able to find his own version of contentment. Hopefully, me and my friends do so as well.

Screw everyone else, though.

Shop talk and new people. Friday night, I hung out with the BIg Man and a former coworker to drink and shoot shit after watching the third Transformers movie. (The movie, by the way, did the seemingly impossible. It made the second one look good.) There were a bunch of new people there, and I can't remember the last time I hung out with new people that weren't in a strip club.

I should do that more often. The meeting new people schtick. Not the strip club bit. But then again, being single, it really wouldn't matter.

The Dreams of a Fool. For some reason the stars may have fallen aligned and I actually didn't have anything to do on a Saturday night. I had a few options available, but none of them was appealing enough for me to actually deal with the traffic and all that. So I decided on having Pizza night at the Fortress. The reason for my splurging is that I joined this office activity wherein we are going to do something similar to reality TV's the BIggest Loser. We all weigh in, and after a specific period of time, we see how much weight we;ve lost. The biggest loser wins the pot.

In an attempt to cheat I ate like a fucking pig, hoping to put on enough pounds that would give me a bigger weigh in that I could easily shave off, in theory providing me with an advantage. That somehow didn't work, as I went to have my official weight checked, I was actually 6 pounds lighter than I was a couple of months ago. After all those nights of drinking, laying around, eating junk food and still I lose 6 pounds? That's… highly unsettling.

But, I digress. During pizza night, I was there, enjoying the cheesy and meaty goodness of cholesterol and carbs as I read comics and watch a few old stand up comedy videos, there was a knock on my door that pretty much ruined it. I don't get too many visitors, as there have been only seven people in my life who have been at the fortress, and most of them I knew were preoccupied that night. I open the door, and who do I see? My ex's brother, asking to drink with me. (The last couple of sentences sounded a bit Dr. Seuss-y, don't you think?)

For the first time in my life, I turned out a drink after four shots, as he would not shut up about his dreams of becoming a movie star. Hey, I get where he's coming from, but knowing him as I do, and knowing what his current situation in life and what I perceive should be his priorities, I just couldn't get this pipe dream of his.

But of course, I'll try to help him out. Social responsibility and all that. I grew up watching comics, what can I say? Let's d our duty and feed the monster.

Loud Music, Hard Liqour. Sunday night, I had a very disturbing dream. It was so disturbing in fact, that I've been a funk all Monday. The bum sickness was so bad that I even planned on drinking alone, but since it was the 4th of July, the Big Man didn't have work and we got our drinks and songs on at Marbles. I love empty videoke bars. The service is a lot faster and you have the entire room all to yourself. I fucking sang my ass off. It was not enough to belay any unwanted feelings. So we went to his house and got even more wasted, and spent the night deconstructing our respective psyches like only old friends are able to.

I'm a little bit more steady now than I was, and I think the conversations with the different people helped.I have a better idea of what I want to do now, and how I'm going to go about doing those things, and about that disturbing dream, I think I may have fallen in love again. It's no big deal. Happens once a year. I can handle this now.

"I've been waiting for a long time

For this moment to come
I'm destined
For all
Downtown lights will be shining
On me like a diamond
Ring out under the midnight hour
No one can touch me now
And I can't turn my back
It's too late ready or not at all

I'm so much closer than
I have ever known...
Wake up

Dawning of a new era
Calling...don't let it catch you falling
Ready or not at all
So close enough to taste it
Almost...I can embrace this
Feeling....on the tip of my tongue

I'm so much closer than
I have ever known...
Wake up
Better thank your lucky stars....

I've been waiting for a long time
For this moment to come
I'm destined for anything at all

Colour me stupid
Good luck
You're gonna need it
Where I'm going if I get there...
At all.... " - Green Day, "Waiting"

1 komento:

  1. I'm a bit bothered that your post is in English while the thing above this comment form says "Mag-post ng isang Puna." It's a bit off, translation-wise since "puna" would better be off with an equal sign and the word "notice" or if I run with its negative emotional charge, "criticism."

    Anyway, I'd react on the Dr. Seuss remark. It's sounds fine, and it's quite musical. I like. You even referenced to Shel Silverstein's "The Missing Piece" [<-- I would have italicized this since it's a book, not a poem, but there's no comment formatting here, so what the hey! Let's go!] Amusing book. Finished the entire thing in Powerbooks.

    Also, I'm amazed that you remember your week's highlights. I rarely remember what happened in my weeks (maybe because there are no highlights).

    See you in the office!