Sabado, Disyembre 17, 2011
Through the Wringer and Back
I'm in a coffee shop in the middle of nowhere, and I like it. I've been through the wringer the past couple of weeks, and indulging in a little isolation that a small caffeine peddling establishment could provide seems to be the single most sensible thing I've done. Everyone's on full Holiday mode, and I can't seem to shake the usual blues. They're even getting a tad worse as the days progress, and working non-stop has been nothing but an effective distraction. In the little snippets of free time that manage to sneak through my web of labor, all I have is another opportunity to break down.
Still, right now, with my mind set on getting shit done, I'm holding steady. I will never stop working again.
Conversations about the Future. I spent a few nights crashing in on a teammate's apartment a couple of weeks back. In the midst of all the worthless nonsense, a talk about the future surprisingly took place. I don't know if it was brought upon by a lack of topics to discuss, or if it was a sincere curiosity, or heaven forbid, another attempt to put me on the "right path", but I had a sinking suspicion that no matter what I told him, he was just going to blabber away anyways, so I told him the truth. (Most of it, anyway.)
Fact is, the concept of a future is a little strange for someone who had, until recently, set up a schedule to die at the age of 30. Because of that, everything I've ever really wanted to do, I've done. So, because of that little talk, well… let's just say I sunk into added shit to think about.
The Movie Business. I have semi-officially started in the family business, and I still have mixed emotions about it. On one hand, I do like making movies. On the other hand, this is the opposite side of the glamorous movie industry… where the dream is so dead that even any pretense of art has been buried. It's brutal, it's honest, and frankly, it's enough to drive one completely insane.
However, I think that this may be mutually beneficial. For me, of course, there's the money thing as well as the opportunity to practice a craft that I will always love (Though I've never really wanted to use as a livelihood). For the company, I may just be the guy it needs. (Not talent-wise, since there are a lot of talented people out there, but "good intentions-wise".)
I just found it funny that when I was introduced to the crew, my name was preceded by "he is a very creative guy that's done some amazing underground work", referring to the ten to fifteen minute dick jokes that compose my film making "career".
Indulgence. In the middle of everything that's been going on, The Breakfast Club still managed to celebrate like the gluttons that we are. We went to this place where you literally can eat until its closing time. Seriously, I commit at least two of the seven deadly sins on a daily basis.
Prior to the foodfest, I met up with another friend who happens to be an ex. She wants me to host the Christmas party at this school she teaches in, a school for the deaf, so I guess on a strictly Karmic scale, I'm all balanced out.
Unforeseen Events. The day after the team and I went all Viking and shit, Jo F'n Regis works his wonders once more, waking me up with a phone call and surprises me with a drastic favor. At the last minute, he asks me to pull off a seminar for him. So, I got up, got dressed and assembled whatever I could on the topic, only to find out that there was no need as the speaker showed up after all.
So, I was asked to do a set instead. Regis, you tricky bastard. Still, it was an amazing day, and hanging out with Jo is always fun. Little did I know that it was the beginning of a 40 hour marathon for me. It was a good thing too, since I needed to get back on my semi-workaholic ways. (Plus, I was broke, so getting a little something-something was nice too.)
The Crunch. Immediately after the event, I went to the Think Tank to do the day job. Model employee that I am, I didn't read the email that stated that there was a team incentive competition thingy that was going on. Frankly, the details of that little contest is still sketchy in my mind right now, but all I understood was that every single member of the Breakfast Club was asked to step up. Normally, I wouldn't have cared about any amount of individual incentives they presented, but this one was for the entire team. The Breakfast Club has been more than decent to me over the past few weeks, (unbeknownst to them, they've been helping with my holiday anxiety) so I decided to, for at least two days, give them the best of me.
It was grueling to say the least. People were dropping like flies. It was like the battle of Helm's Deep, only much lamer. In the middle of the two day stamina test, one of the legitimately good people at the Think Tank suffered from the effects of the tasking job, and had to be rushed to the hospital (he was taken to two different hospitals before I accompanied him home, actually). There I was, helping out a friend and trying to be a good member of the team at the same time. All of this went on as I, like several members of the Think Tank, was unwashed, sleepless, and high on energy drinks.
As the midnight deadline approached, my blood pressure soared. I was seeing spots, I was dizzy as fuck, but I already gave my word, and if it was any other team I'd bail. Once the competition ended at the stroke of midnight, the team was happy, and the friend who was sick was fine. It was worth it. It was bad for my weak heart, but good for my starving soul.
The Payoff. We were all tired, and I personally have been awake for forty straight hours, and on the move since Jo woke me up a couple of days before (Really, Jo, thanks. Haha.) A normal group of people would just go home and rest, satisfied without he events. But apparently, we were't the least bit sensible, and we were off to Tagaytay once more to eat overly unhealthy food. I was even "allowed" to drink a couple of celebratory beers, I think I earned it.
After being brought home, I slept with a smile on my face. For 12 fucking hours.
I therefore conclude... The weekend was spent with various people. There was game night with Caleb and his friends, and yeah, I'm glad to be doing tabletop RPGs again. I miss those D and D days that allowed me to practice my mind as well as completely escape reality in a more wholesome way. (Geek alert!) Of course, that was followed up by spending another night at the teammate's apartment getting all sorts of fucked up. The day after saw another appearance from the Island Girl, who helped me deal with that day's anxiety attack.
Looking at those past couple of weeks, one that started off with the question of the future, I can only recognize the trend that has been established. I still walk multiple paths now, there's my quest for personal fulfillment and comfort (the comedy, the geek stuff), there's my version of familial relations (working for the mother's company) and then there's my newly established normal life (the Think Tank). I don't see any deviations from this trend, and the only thing that's lacking is a healthy romantic relationship (more on that next post).
2011's almost over, the game-changer year. The next one doesn't seem to hold any promise of excitement, but after the past decade I've had, I'm not really lacking in that department. Just glad to be right on schedule. As I have alluded to before, one way or another, I kill myself once I hit 30.